hire, ask, propose, insult.

I am available for hire, open to questions and suggestions, happy about feedback and I'm also a person.
There might be a lot on my plate at times, so please don't go around sticking "wanted: dead" posters to the post office and general goods store if I cannot get back to you in a timely manner. Unfortunately I do not have a full-time secretary yet, but that could change if you just hire me a lot. I would call him or her tinkerbell and he or she would bring home-baked apple pie in to work on mondays.
Other than that, feel free to call me names if you need to get it off your chest. I keep the more colourful ones in a handwritten notebook on my bedside table.